How the breakfast roll man is central to Irish politics

Breakfast rolls made a comeback in political news this week with the shocking revelation that the builders’ staple may be hit hard by the expected hospitality VAT hike tomorrow.

Finance Minister Michael McGrath is clearly no fan of the ‘two bacon, two sausage, two egg, two pudding, one black and white’ gourmet sandwich.

That’s because the roll will fall victim to the VAT increase, leading to a rocketing - there’s never any fancy rocket lettuce near a proper breakfast roll - up in price by up to a quarter.

You learn something new every day, food you buy in a shop is generally VAT-free, but once you cook it, whack, the VAT-man gets his cut.

So while a cold bacon and egg sandwich will remain competitively-priced after the imminent VAT bump for hospitality, the ‘hot food’ version in the form of the humble breakfast roll could go up in price by up to 25%.

This brings us to the centrality of the breakfast roll man, the ordinary man, the man with two pints, in Irish politics.

Every political leader worth his or her salt is always trying to convince the public that he’s a regular Séan(a) Soap, even if he has gone to a private school and enjoys an inflation-busting salary tipping towards quarter of a million euro.

And one way they think they can do this is by showing that they eat the same things as us, or swamp the same pints as us.

That’s why when the calorific breakfast roll became the morning snack of choice for the man in the white van during the boom, you didn’t hear much from Bertie Ahern about how it was not the best thing to be eating for the auld cholesterol.

https://www.irishmirror.ie/news/irish-news/politics/former-taoiseach-bertie-ahern-not-29242279

Instead, you’d find the ultimate everyman of modern Irish politics down in his local pub, another tip of the hat to the regular voter who most likely frequented a pub instead of a wine bar.

And what would his drink of choice be?

Well, it’s famous now thanks to da Bert, but a pint of Bass ale was definitely not the fanciest pint in the bar to order back in the 1990s.

Bertie probably ordered the odd warm bottle of Guinness off the shelf too when he was looking to connect with the old man at the end of the counter.

Then take the Fine Gael equivalent of Bertie come the 2000s, Mayo’s finest, Enda Kenny.

https://www.irishmirror.ie/news/irish-news/enda-kenny-opens-up-how-21949223

This Taoiseach had a penchant for talking about this mysterious man with a pint that he used to troubleshoot the crises of the nation with.

Then he took to talking to his brother, the man with two pints, when things got really serious.

Both men were almost certainly related to the Breakfast Roll Man immortalised in song by the mighty Pat Shortt.

Enda even was so ‘country’ that he even professed his love for a ‘tin of Lilt’ to quench his thirst, probably with a carton of curry chips from a chipper in Kinnegad on the way up to the Dáil in Dublin.

Of course, things have changed, changed utterly, the can of Lilt is on the way out - Fanta Grapefruit and Pineapple won’t be the same - and a breakfast roll will soon cost as much as a croque monsieur…..

Leo the Legoman

Lego have unintentionally done Leo Varadkar a great favour.

Our dear leader sometimes suffers from a failure to connect with the common man, unlike Bertie and Enda Kenny elsewhere in this column.

Leo likes the Dubs in Croke Park and he’s a regular enough at the ‘Lonster’ (Leinster) rugby matches down in the Aviva, but I don’t think anyone could ever really have imagined Leo togging out for his local sides as a young lad.

Now the famous Danish toy company has given the former Sports Minister a chance to make the connect with the ordinary sports fan - and children to boot too.

That’s because there’s a new range of Lego toys out called Lego Friends.

One of the central characters is a young lad called Leo, a sprightly-looking fellow, with a crop of red hair to boot, so not an exact likeness of the Taoiseach, but close enough.

And this fella says his favourite things to do are playing “soccer and going to the beach,” presumably with some ham sandwiches and Miwadi orange.

So there you have it, Legoman Leo is now almost as much of an everyman as Bertie or Enda Kenny.

War of the toilets

Politics truly is a dirty game.

The war in Ukraine has just gotten dirty with the news that the EU’s export ban on products that can no longer be sold to Russia now includes toilets.

The trade embargoes are designed to hurt the Russian economy and squeeze Vladimir Putin into submission.

Well, now they’re really aiming below the belt by targeting the bathroom and threatening to leave the Rooskies back in the dark ages with their plumbing.

It has even led looting Russian soldiers to start robbing toilets in raids, prompting Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky to say they could take them, as long as they took themselves with them back across the border to Russia.

Never mind the Scud missiles they might lob at Russia, it’s scuds of a different kind that might finally force the Russian leadership into submission.

Putin is reportedly used to having mahogany and even some golden toilet seats.

So imagine how desperate he’ll be to surrender if he has to squat over cheap pottery.

Quote of the Week

“Let them take the toilet bowls – they’ll need them on the road – and go back home.” Volodymyr Zelensky’s message for looting Russian soldiers.