Ferghal Blaney - Down the Dail

Who doesn’t love a good Choc Ice?

Well, we know after last week that Kerry TD Michael Healy rae is a big fan as he launched his one man crusade last week to try and persuade HB to do a U-turn on their decision to stop producing the old-fashioned ice cream.

I suppose you could argue that it’s Cancel Culture gone a bit far if the humble Choc Ice is being cancelled, but we’re going to go a different direction.

It’s summertime folks and we’re going to be a little lighthearted this week, with no offence intended in any of the following comparisons.

We have a great selection of classic ice pops and ice creams in this country, from the Fat Frogs, to Icebergers, to the simple, but classic, 99, and we thought it might be fun this week to match favourite ices with favourite politicians.

Let’s give it a go……

Choc Ice

We’ll give Healy Rae first dibs and allow him to claim the Choc Ice crown.

Michael shares some characteristics of the Choc Ice, being a traditional politician, sticking to the old tried and tested way of operating, but maybe a little too vanilla at times.

Wibbly Wobbly Wonder

Another old classic and one that would be a good match for the Tanaiste, Micheal Martin.

One of the longest serving ice pops in the country, it can struggle to connect with a younger audience at times, while retaining a solid connection with older ice cream voters. Also, wouldn’t it be lovely to hear the Tanaiste say in his lovely Cork brogue: ‘Wibbbbbly, Wobbbbly Wonder.’

Tangle Twister

This is a real enigma of an ice cream, ice pop, ice lolly, it’s not certain what category it falls into, just like Leo Varadkar, our Taoiseach is many things to many people. Leo has gotten himself involved in plenty of political tangles and he’s facing a twisty group of Fine Gael TDs who are reportedly scheming to take him out of the top job.

Loop the Loop

This has to go to one of the Government high flyers with the ice pop’s cartoon character of an old-fashioned pilot featuring on its wrapper and in ads. Eamon Ryan fits the bill here as he seems to be never out of the skies these days, much of that to with his new gig as co-chair of the heavy-hitting IEA (International Energy Agency) - mind the carbon footprint though.

Magnum

We’ll give this delicious luxurious ice cream award to Justice Minister Helen McEntee, because she too is elegant and refined like the premium ice cream. Also, there is the obvious connection between the Magnum gun and the ice cream and a Minister in charge of policing.

Solero

The Solero is a bit of a pretender to the throne, with either the Magnum or the Cornetto (the King Cornetto even) being the real top of the pops when it comes to ice pops. So we’ll give Simon Solero Harris the job here as he most definitely has his eye on the top job in politics, looking to lick Leo Varadkar or anyone else in a fight to become next Fine Gael leader.

So, there’s just a small selection from our freezer, hope you agree with some of our choices, or maybe it just made you smile.

Either way, with the Choc Ice now under real threat, I’ll finish with the old jingle heard at many a GAA match, or even at the cinema or in the Gaiety for a Saturday matinee: ‘Any one for the last few Choc Ices???’

ChatGPT for PQs the way forward?

Department of Agriculture is leading the way by nipping ChatGPT and other next generation tech from being used in their offices. The Irish Mirror uncovered an internal memo warning the staff at one of the biggest departments in government not to use the emerging technology.

However, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea?

I can only feel sympathy for the workers in there who have to trawl through hundreds - yes, I checked, hundreds - of what I can only imagine are the banes of their lives, Parliamentary Questions, or PQs as everyone calls them.

These are the requests for information from TDs that must be answered, and by God, can they be boring, monotonous and life-draining to have to reply to them all.

Anyone for a day spent replying to requests from politicians looking for all the stats on the payments made to farmers under the various EU schemes administered by the department?

So, I propose that the chief mandarins at Agriculture rescind their decision to ban ChatGPT and other similar apps, let the computers suffer instead.

Jobs NOT for the boys turnaround

There was a funny one this week at the weekly Cabinet meeting.

Normally there is a little game played by the Pol Corrs when the fairly boring brief on judicial appointments comes up.

You try and figure out any connections between the lawyer being elevated to the bench and the political parties in power.

We won’t name names here, but the list would be as long as your arm if you went through who was connected to who in past political appointments to the courts.

That’s why there was genuine surprise when a certain Oisin Quinn got the nod next week.

The respected Senior Counsel most certainly has no connections with Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil or the Greens.

That’s because Oisin is a nephew of none other than former Labour top dog, Ruairi Quinn, while Oisin has been a good Labour man all his life too.

It was refreshing to see top jobs NOT for the boys (of reigning political parties) for once.

Let’s see if it lasts….

Quote of the Week

“There has been a serious breach of trust and truth between RTÉ and the Government, the Oireachtas and the people.”

A grave-sounding Tanaiste Taoiseach Leo Varadkar addresses the story everyone in the country was talking about over the weekend, Tubsgate (Ryan Tubridy’s secret payments that boosted his pay by €350,000 over six years).

ENDS